If a Girl Isn't Pretty

If a girl isn't pretty

Like a Miss Atlantic City

All she gets from life

Is pity and a pat

Kindly name a star who hasn't

Won a contest or a pageant

If she hasn't she just never gets to bat

She must shine in every detail

Like a ring you're buying retail

Be a standard size that

Fits a standard dress

When a girl's incidentals

Are no bigger than two lentils

Really, Mrs. Strakosh?!

Then to me it doesn't spell success

From two faces that could cause you

To have temporary nausea

Do I have to hear a lecture such as that?

Is a nose with deviation

Such a crime against the nation?

Should I throw her into jail or drown the cat?

So she's built a bit off balance

She possesses golden talents

Or is that a pill to bitter to digest?

Ignore the dragons, Fannele

Don't you worry, Mrs. Strakosh

One day the whole world will look at me and be

Stunned!

So go! Toi toi toi

And break a leg!

From the top!

5, 6, 7, 8

Come on, girls

Arms!

Good job, girls

Come on, Fanny

Get in there just like we practiced!

There you go, Fanny

Go to it, Fanny

Come on and bring it over here!

Hey, you in the bloomers

Yes, Mr. Keeney?

What are you doing there?

Dancing!

Well go and do it somewheres else

You're fired

Come on, boss!

What's with the ringer?

You owe somebody a favor?

It seemed like a funny idea!

I pay comics for laughs

I pay chorus girls for... something else

If a girl isn't pretty

Like a Miss Atlantic City

She should dump the stage

And try another route

Listen, I know I'm no dancer but-

Any guy who pays a quarter

For a seat just feels he oughta

See a figure that his wife can't substitute

Oh, come on!

If a girl ain't perfection

You better take up a collection

Every girl must be a dazzler and a beaut

She's got very nice deportment

Thank you, Eddie

But when they see that assortment

From the gallery they'll be throwing fruit!

Who asked you?!

If a girl isn't pretty

If a girl isn't pretty

If a girl isn't pretty

If a girl isn't pretty

If a girl isn't pretty

She should get a job

Go get a job

Get any job

Get a weekly pay!

'Cause if a girl isn't pretty

Like a Miss Atlantic City

She's a real Miss Nobody, U.S.A