I Always, Always, Never Get My Man

Once I wooed a Swede named Bjorn

Had his maid bring tea each morn

Turns out horny Bjorn

He loved servant porn

And poof went my plan

I am beautiful and clever

And I always, always never get my man

There was Tex who traded stocks

Hired a girl to darn his socks

And when Texy's socks

Lead to sexy talks

I was out on my can

Give my all to each endeavor

And I always, always never get my man

Fell in love with Cole's 1930 rolls

Dreamed that I would be his bride

But when his chauffeur turned out be a her

They both took me for a ride

Seems I'll never end this curse

'Cause now my doctor has this nurse

And what's worse the nurse wants me to disperse

Like dust from a fan

So I hope you've had your fun

But the fact is, girl, you're done

'Cause this time, hon

Oh, this time, hon

Yeah, this time, hon

I am gonna, gonna get my man