War Is a Science

War is a science

Which a general must use

With stratagems and strategies

Statistical analyses

To know how many soldiers

He's prepared to lose

Now, gentlemen!

This is the plan for tomorrow's skirmish

The army of the enemy

Is stationed on the hill

So, we've got to draw them down here

Where they're easier to kill

So, you in the ravine

That's the area in green

Will move across the plain

Where you plainly can be seen

Then the enemy in blue

Will undoubtedly pursue

And we'll hope to keep your loses

To comparatively few!

And then!

(And then!)

And gentlemen, and then!

And then the men go marching

Out into the fray

Conquering the enemy

And carrying the day

Hark, the blood is pounding in our ears

Jubilations!

We can hear a grateful nation's cheer-

Pippin!

Sit down immediately!

Now, where was I?

Ah, yes!

A general accepts

That war is hell or even worse

He must never be too cautious

Or casualty adverse

I'm certain the majority

Of blood that you will spatter

Will be theirs, with just a minimum

Of damage that's collateral

But winner for success

We must always pay a price

That's why for my success

You must sacrifice

And then!

(And then!)

And gentlemen, and then!

And then! The men go marching

Out into the fray

Conquering (Pippin!)

The enemy...

Sorry, father

Well, now time is short

I'll have to speed the whole damn thing up!

Listen to me, men

As I endeavor to explain

What separates a charlatan

From a Charlemagne

A ruling of the generals

Illustrious and various

Though pompous as a Pompey

Or daring as a Darius, ha!

A little rule that every leader

Knows by heart

It's smarter to be lucky

Than it's lucky to be smart

And then!

(And then!)

And gentlemen, and then!

Now, Pippin!

Now!

(And then the men go)

(Marching out into the fray)

(Conquering the enemy)

(And carrying the day, ha-ha!)

(The depth of blood is pounding in our ears)

Jubilations!

We can hear a grateful nation's

Cheers!