Gaston

Who does she think she is?

That girl has tangled with the wrong man!

No one says "No" to Gaston!

Darn right! Dismissed! Rejected!

Publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear

More beer?

What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced

Who, you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together

Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Gaston

Looking so down in the dumps

Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston

Even when taking your lumps

There's no man in town as admired as you

You're ev'ryone's favorite guy

Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you

And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Gaston

No one's quick as Gaston

No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's

For there's no man in town half as manly

Perfect, a pure paragon!

You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley

And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

No one's been like Gaston

A king pin like Gaston

No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston

As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

My what a guy, that Gaston!

Give five "hurrahs!"

Give twelve "hip-hips!"

Gaston is the best

And the rest is all drips

No one fights like Gaston

Douses lights like Gaston

In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!

For there's no one as burly and brawny

As you see I've got biceps to spare

Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny

That's right!

And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair

No one hits like Gaston

Matches wits like Gaston

In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston

I'm espcially good at expectorating!

Ptoooie!

Ten points for Gaston!

When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs

Ev'ry morning to help me get large

And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs

So I'm roughly the size of a barge!

No one shoots like Gaston

Makes those beauts like Gaston

Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston

I use antlers in all of my decorating!

Say it again, who's the man among man? And then say it once more

Who's the hero next door who's the supe successful gentleman

♪

There's just one man in town whose all of the above

And his name's G-A-S, uh, T-G-A-S-T-E, G-A-S-T-O, ow, Gaston!