Who I Was

I just want to know what happened

And what do you think that will get you?

Sleeping through the night. Closing a chapter

You know what I want even more?

Is to be just who I was before

Self assured

Future all secured

That was Julia

Quick to trust

Saw the world as just

That was Julia

Full of promise and full of poise

Hardly any of which this

Shopgirl now employs

But I muddle through

Easy smile

Avid cinephile

That was Julia

That was Julia

Before being branded a gold star wife

A distinction that's redefining

My whole life

Well, it feels like it does

I feel guilty because

There are days when I just want to be

Who I was

I'm not saying I'd trade

The life that I had

With him for a minute

That was once in a lifetime love

And I know I was lucky to win it

And I'm told to be proud

All the news reels and magazines

Practically shout it

But I'm never allowed

To admit that there is nothing

Remotely heroic about it

And you know I would never be able

To say that away from this

Dining room table

Not a doubt how her life plays out

That was Julia

All of the details of who I am

Made irrelevant with one

Single telegram

That's what widowhood does

I resent it because

There are days when I just want to be

Momentarily free

And happily

Who I was